Part 2 in the Navaratri Series of guest posts from Modern Parivar: A Dharmik Perspective
As Hindus, we have our dharma towards our family, but we also have our own pursuit of Moksha. While our family and life partners aid us in our journey, the quest is ultimately personal. Therefore, while a woman is a daughter, sister, wife and mother, she is also herself. Hindu culture teaches us how to be part of a collective unit while not losing our own identity.
My grandmother was a deeply dharmic woman. As the daughter of a Veda Pandit, she was educated in Sanskrit and the Puranas. She was seldom quiet as she worked. Sometimes she chanted shlokas out aloud. At other times, she whispered them under her breath. As a traditional woman of her time, she rarely stepped out of her house. She devoted her entire life to her family. Yet, she never forgot that her goal was bigger than simply navigating the bhavasagara of samsara.
My favourite memory of my grandmother is watching her recite the Kartika Purana in our apartment watchman’s house. There she sat, on a rickety stool. She authoritatively read out of her book while instructing her hosts on how to perform the puja. She left only after taking the prasadam.
Even as her body and mind were ravaged by Alzheimer’s, my grandmother never lost her bhakti. In moments of lucidity, she would sing aloud - shlokas, songs or poetry. Sometimes there was just a heartbreaking exclamation, “Sri Ramachandra! When will you take me?”
Despite being limited by their exposure to the outside world, Hindu women of my grandmother’s generation never forgot what their goal was - Moksha. Hindus of all ages, from all parts of the country, and of all socioeconomic backgrounds make their way to Kashi even today. Why? In search of Moksha. The current generation of urban Hindus, however have forgotten that we do not YOLO.
Adi Shankara reminded us that we live and suffer an endless cycle of birth and death.
punarapi jananaṃ punarapi maraṇaṃ
punarapi jananījaṭharē śayanam ।
iha saṃsārē bahudustārē kṛpayā'pārē pāhi murārē ॥ 22 ॥
YOLO is a dream, not a reality. And ironically, a YOLO approach might bring us back into this world again and again. “What does this have to do with family, parenting, and Stree Shakti?”, one might wonder.
Well, the answer is simple. Even as my grandmother awaited Sri Ramachandra’s call, she reminded her family that a Hindu’s ultimate goal is to reach the divine.
As the Shakti of the family, a woman can change the focus of her family from outward pursuits to more spiritual goals. Whatever our circumstances, we can seek a path to Moksha. For some, it might be bhakti from dance or music. For others, it might be a path of seva. Yet others might seek bhajan and kirtan. Perhaps for someone, it is the way of puja or travel to teertha kshetras. Only a Guru can list the innumerable paths to Moksha and guide us on our journey. But as a child’s Guru, every mother can teach her children (and grandchildren) what is truly important.
Today, I have no physical object to remind me of my grandmother. But as I age, I find myself calling out “Sri Ramachandra” when faced with a crisis, big or small. And I find myself comforting my child when he is sick with the Ramaraksha Stotram or songs of Sri Rama. And so, my grandmother lives on.
In today’s world, it is hard to remember that our goal is not a corporate job title, fancy possessions, or VVIP access to any place we want to visit. My grandmother never stepped out of her house without an escort. She never had more than a few rupees knotted into the end of her pallu. Yet, she lived true to dharma and passed on the knowledge to her children and grandchildren. Can there be a greater success for a Hindu?
The last word from Hindu Parenting: While we parent our children, are we keeping in mind the Hindu goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha, or have we ourselves surrendered to pursuing only Artha and Kama? (Wealth and Pleasure). Are we teaching our children about punarjanma or are we teaching them to kneel at the altar of ‘You Only Live Once’? And…how are we defining our own success, both as individuals and as Hindu parents?